Surprise!

I wrote on my previous entry that I recently lost a loved one. On her burial, I told myself not to cry. I didn’t. But somehow, those tears that I held found another time to get out from my eyes. Explanation, it’s not the mind that weeps but the heart. I can dictate to my mind and it will follow, but I can never dictate to my heart. That’s why I still cried.

I remember when my lola (grandma) was still on her deathbed, I assigned myself to watch over her because my mom had been watching all night. I imagined the Lord Jesus, wearing white robe, sitting on the bed, caressing my lola. This is what He told me. (Little did I know that it was truly happening in the spirit.)

“ Why are you worrying, son? If you really know who I am, you will not be worrying like that.”

These words kept my high hopes until the very end because I know and I believe that God is our healer. His will is ALWAYS to heal. Sickness did not come from Him nor has He any way to give it to us. Sickness is an enemy. My lola was in comma state by the way. And before she died, there was no last conversation or whatever.

Now put yourself in my shoes. You have strong faith that my lola is going to be healed. You believe strongly that she will be healed and she will wake up any time soon.

But she didn’t. Worse, she died. Wouldn’t you start to doubt the Word? Right?

I complained like a child. “Lord, I thought this and that…You said this and that..” It was a test of faith. Now, I believe that God wanted my lola healed no matter what. He did His part…...I didn’t. I found out late.

People will say that “God does not give test.” True. But He allows it.

⁸ In the whole land,” declares the LORD,
“two-thirds will be struck down and perish;
yet one-third will be left in it.
⁹ This third I will put into the fire;
I will refine them like silver
and test them like gold.
They will call on my name
and I will answer them;
I will say, ‘They are my people,’
and they will say, ‘The LORD is our God.’” Zechariah 13:8-9

People might tell me “the Lord is a meanie.” Then I will say that He allows tests in our lives for our own good. Why?

Sometimes we think we already know a lot. But when tests come, we realize, we know nothing. He knows that as long as we live, we will experience more hardships in life. And if we are not prepared, we might die from these experiences physically, mentally and spiritually. The Lord loves us so much that He doesn’t want us defenseless against the blows of life.

See it this way. We hated our teachers for giving us “sarprise” quizzes. Right? I really hate surprise quizzes. I do not know if my teachers take pleasure in giving them but most of the time, we are caught unprepared.

I WAS CAUGHT UNPREPARED IN THIS SURPRISE QUIZ FROM GOD.

Do I hate surprise quizzes, even if it is from God? My answer may not have changed yet. Yes, I hate them. And I admit, however shameful this is, that i-hate-you feeling towards God arose. Let’s be honest. In one point in our life, we blamed God for something. I’m just being frank.

But as we experience more surprise quizzes and expecting even more, do you think it is still right to call it ‘surprise?’

If you read my previous article, it is written there and in the bible that as long as we live in this world, we will have tribulations. Life is a series of surprise quizzes. This is a piece of wisdom we should keep because most of the time, I, we, forget it.

A wise person never fails surprise quizzes of the same kind for the second time. Unfortunately, I’m not wise enough to remember and learn from surprise quizzes because of stubbornness. But now is different. I can say that I have moved baby steps to improve myself through obedience and discipline.

Tempt, on the other hand is different from test. God will never tempt you, but He will definitely test you.

See it this way. Your teacher gives you a test. Temptation is when your teacher says to you “ yes dear, it is alright to look at the paper of your seatmate. He seems to got it all right.” The tone itself is not of God. Therefore, it is not God’s job to tempt. It is the enemy’s job.

Test is more of like observation in God’s point of view. He will allow certain things to happen to your life and He will test you by observing how you will deal with it on your own.

Going back. I know I failed the test because I doubted the Word and there was no action in my part. I remember that time in our church, they talked about expectation and audacious faith. And every time I hear this message after my lola dies, it’s like a stab in my heart. Every time I heard teachings on miracles and faith, I controlled myself not to walk out of church. It means I was shaken….caught unprepared. My score? Epic Fail! Probably 3/10.

Whenever I have scores like that, I always tell to myself not to get the same grade again…EVER! If I detail this faith struggle I had, it will be very long. But in this article, I just want to admit that I failed the test. God is never the problem. It was me and the incomplete teachings I have learned.

But thank God, I learned my lesson. I learned that those trial times are the perfect times when we can use our faith. We will know if you use it or not. Do you use human faith or the faith of God? I admit, I looked at the physical, meaning what I saw (hopelessness, death), that is what I believed. I know the word but there was unbelief and no action of faith. So the thing I expected to happen did not happen. I had a weak faith and therefore I had a weak prayer.

I remember, I even thought if I had more money, this would not happen. If I had money, my lola can be healed. This is one big stupid lie.

Even if I am the richest person on earth, I cannot do anything, nor can my money, nor can machines do anything to save the life of my loved one.

These are some of the “wrong answers” to the surprise quiz that God encircled using His red ballpen.

With that red ink, He gave me the correct answer. And that red ink is the precious Blood of His only son, Jesus Christ. With this experience, I have proven this scripture true:

¹⁰ Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

“Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
¹¹ They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.

Revelation 12: 10-11

I am nothing without the Lord. Truly, it is only He whom I can run to in times of great challenges.

So this article that you read is my testimony, and I have overcome, like a refined gold out of the blazing fire, through this testimony and through the blood of Jesus Christ. I shout out to the heavers “THE LORD IS TRULY MY GOD!”

I may have failed this one, but the next “surprise” quiz will not be surprising anymore. So bring it on!

To God be the highest glory and honor and thanksgiving!

Say this with me:

Father God,

Forgive me for the times that I blame you for the bad things that happened in my life. Lord, when I experience these things, I blame everyone but myself, including you. Lord, I’m truly sorry. It is so unfair that you get the blame when in fact the fault was mine.

Lord, I know that your thoughts for me are good. They are to prosper me and not to harm me. I would not pray that no more surprise quizzes will be given because it is foolish. It is like I pray that the sun be removed from the solar system.

But what I pray is that you won’t leave me in the middle of tribulations, of surprise quizzes in my life. I know that you want me to be victorious on all those hardships that I am going through. And if not, I pray that you help me, get back up, and move on.

Thank you for your patience, my dearest Lord. Thank you Father for Jesus. Because of what He did for me, I can now overcome whatever I am going through today. By His Blood, I will overcome all trials and tests.

In Jesus’ name, I boldly pray. Amen.